Dealing with grief

I feel such a sense of loss with the death of my dad. We were never really close, but I loved him so much anyway. Now that he is gone, the pain comes in both gigantic and gentle waves and leaves me feeling the loss of what I had always hoped to have with him, but never really had. The night before he passed away, I had the opportunity to spend alone time with him in the ICU. I don't know if he could hear me or not, but I was able to tell him how much I loved him and how I had always wanted to be closer to him...how much I looked up to him and respected him. I was able to ask his forgiveness for being jealous of the relationship he had with my brother and told him I forgave him for hurting me and my kids. I am grateful God gave me that time. He knew I needed it.